Some of you may know that I actually hit my 18 month mark as a missionary a few weeks ago. I am blessed to have had almost 19 months to serve as a full time missionary and over the past year and a half I’ve thought occasionally upon my last and extra three weeks in the mission field. I assumed that God had a specific purpose for this extra time I was given. This week I was able to see clearly one of those purposes. I had an experience that, I’ll admit, shook me. I don’t know if I’d say that it completely shook my testimony but after a short encounter I found myself beginning to question and maybe even doubt some of the most basic truths of the restored gospel that I treasure deeply. I’ve had many experiences that have tried and tested me throughout my mission and I’ve been able to endure them well, but this experience really effected me negatively. I found myself in a dark place. I learned a lot this week about prayer, revelation, and the Holy Ghost. I prayed so much: seeking comfort, guidance, and answers from God. At one point I was on my knees for what felt like forever and became so frustrated at my lack of “feeling something” or receiving an impression that I got off my knees and abandoned the prayer all together. It was really discouraging but the verse, “Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.” (D&C 6:36) was on replay in my mind. The next day I was praying again and received an impression. It was that my act of praying was important, but what was more important is what I would choose to do after getting off of my knees. Would I give up on studying the scriptures and keeping the commandments and working hard? Would I do nothing and wait for God to show me a sign? I realized that the answers to my questions and worries weren’t going to come while on my knees. God requires us to act in faith before He makes Himself known unto us. So, I got off my knees and went back to work. I prayed some more and enveloped myself in the scriptures. I kept moving forward and I can testify to you that God did visit me. He did comfort me. He did give me answers and assurances. He is real and He does love me. I learned from my experience this week how important it is to fill ourselves spiritually so that when trials, temptations, questions, and doubts come we don’t completely crumble under pressure. I was so taken off guard by the doubts that without warning flew across my mind and, after the fact, realized that I was spiritually unprepared for that affliction. There was more I could have been doing to spiritually “fill my tank”. The counsel from Helaman is to, “..remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall” (Helaman 5:12). We have to continue, every day, every decision, to build our foundation in Christ and the points of His doctrine that are true. I’ve gained a witness that the words of prophets of old concerning faith are true. Alma teaches, “And now as I said concerning faith-faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true” (Alma 32:21). Moroni said, “I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith” (Ether 12:6).
This last week of my mission has been one of the best. Many spiritual lessons were taught and countless testimonies were born. I love the members of the Oxford ward and am heartbroken to leave them. I’ve experienced true joy, happiness, and peace this week. I’m so thankful for my sweet comp sister Chapple! She’s been such a blessing to me these past two months. I’m thankful to friends and family who have supported me every step of the greatest journey of my life and for my life.
I’ve spent the past 18 months testifying of our Eternal Father in Heaven, His beloved Son, Jesus Christ, the restoration of their church through the prophet Joseph Smith, the divinity of the Book of Mormon, the reality of the plan of salvation, the power of faith, the ability to repent, the peace of forgiveness, the happiness of righteous living, the blessings of obedience, and the possibility of obtaining a joy that can never end. I’ve been changed forever by the gospel of Jesus Christ. His grace was, is, and will continue to be sufficient, even for me. If these words aren’t a convincing witness of the reality of Christ and His ability to change then I hope the rest of my life will be. I’ll never, no never, no never forsake the things I’ve learned and the person I’ve become.
I love each of you and am so looking forward to being reunited with my family on Wednesday.
Sister Bailey Guthrie
Arkansas Little Rock mission
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